38 yer olds are good kisserssss
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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