You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
as a side note pls kill me
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