This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
