im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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