either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
