Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
