I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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