he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
