its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
