How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
