Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
