I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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