hell yes lets make some ravioli
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
