Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
