The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
