I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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