he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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