she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
