Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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