dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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