She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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