You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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