I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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