It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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