do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
