He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize