In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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