I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize