you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
