You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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