i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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