The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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