Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
