I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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