I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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