just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
