operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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