I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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