The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
