you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
