I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
