I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize