Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize