Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
