Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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