I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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