so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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