You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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