I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
