I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
