Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize