Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
