we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
