I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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