And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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