What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
